Welcome 2006

Hey! When was the last post...? Oh my, it was in November!! I'll try to be a little more up to date this semester.

Okay, let's recap the end of last semester. Finals happened. There ya are. I didn't do too badly, but I did badlyer (worse for those who speak english) than I wanted to do. Then semester break came along. By the end of break I felt that my mind had decided it had enough of me and left. I couldn't remember a thing. Seriously, it was getting a little troublesome. I also had a heck of a time putting my thoughts to words. Then the break ends. Ah, now I need that brain back!

Mmm, break was amazing though. While I didn't get to hang out with hardly anyone I was able to relax like I've not relaxed in a long time. But here I am, back at school. Things may change soon, I'm not sure how soon or in what manner they will change, but they will. They always do!

In more current news, I'm going to be welcomed as a member of Calvary this weekend. That's kind of exciting. Kind of. It's not like, Yay! A member of Calvary!! But it's like, cool, cool.

Okay, I think I'm switching to Xanga. So I'll put that link in my aim profile & post a final posting here.


Love...Love & Peace

Before the Storm...

okay, it's the first day of finals week. For us at Geneva that means "reading day." We have the day off. So here goes, the final pause before the onset of the storm to come. It really isn't as bad as all that, I only have two sit down test finals, one tuesday & one wednesday. The others are all hand in things, yet they are the ones I'm more concerned about. Two of them are 7-9 page papers. Everything is due either tomorrow (tues) or wednesday. I plan on staying here till Friday, so that will give me a nice little break after the insanity that will take place.

I will post more on how things are going after the finals are over. Things will be different then. Yessir, they will

Love, Peace, and a lot of energy drinks.

Getting Into the Swing

I think it's all finally setting in. Either that or I'm just getting used to the crazy pace that has been set. Either way, it's starting to relax...somewhat. But hey, there is good and bad, bad and good... right now a lot more bad. Week before Thanksgiving is pretty hectic, as I'm sure some of you know. I'm really looking forward to the break though, just getting some time. Time for myself, and time with people I'd like to hang out with.

I was able to spend a little more time here over the past weekend, and it was fun. The Andy Warhol museum really wasn't all that impressive to me. I didn't enjoy it much, but it was fun. Got to hang out with the Nicholsons though, and that was awesome!

Started to get sick Sunday, and then the week was just *high to low whistle*. Straight down. Well anyway, anyway. That's pretty much all from here. I've got the stable list of annoyances but I'm sure you don't care aboot that either (yeah, I meant to put aboot, it sounds funny).

Go ahead, say it...aboot. Kind of like "a boot." I don't have boots though...I'm probably going to need those come winter. Well, come snow. It may be winter without snow, or it may be fall with snow. I really hope for the latter, since I love snow. And I don't care if you hate it, I like it. I LIKE IT!

Well now you've gotten me all flustered. Good job. I'm going to bed.

Love & Peace

Tired of Life

No no no, don't worry. No suicidal thoughts or anything. Thing is that I've been hitting upon the fact that this life is a mess. I have a pretty good life, compared to others, and am truly thankful for it. It's very upsetting though to see how screwed up things are though. I am told two things, #1 - I can do something to help change the world for the better, & #2 - I can do nothing to help change the world.

Which do I believe? I've come to the conclusion that you don't care. Okay, I know there are some of you out there that care. Yet as I write this I can think back and see that stuff like this is inconsequential. What is the point of me telling you things like this is the majority of you do not care?

Take aim info for example. How many times do you see someone with a downcast message or quote in their info. You ask them how things are going and they tell you everything is fine. If everything were fine wouldn't there be a more positive quote in there? So you don't follow up & leave them to their ...downcastedness. Don't worry, everyone else is like that. This is an example that helps me draw the conclusion that most people don't care.

Caring should be a two way action. While you're caring for others you have no time to care for yourself, so when nobody cares for you, you're left open & wounded. In a perfect society or world or whatever you want to live in, people should care for everyone else so that everyone's need is met without them worrying about their own needs.

Obviously this isn't going to happen. That's why most everyone cares only for themselves. Everyone else is divided into the other 3 categories: Caring for Themselves then Others, Caring for Others then Themselves, and Caring for Others. No matter which way you turn it, every one of those 4 kinds of people hurt. Those that care more for themselves have less meaning in their relationship, and those that care more for others lack in thier own needs.

So...how do we fix this? The Truth is obvious, if you care *wink*

Love & Peace

Yo

hey, things are going as well as can be expected. Yesterday (saturday, or if you're being timely correct it was two days ago) we had a pig roast & several meetings at Camp Allegheny. A little bit of fun mixed in with a lot of insanity. That produced a lot of fun.

Mmm, this week was pretty fast. I guess that's cause there was only 3 days of school, what with fall break & all. Boy, I wish I had that a lot more often. Anyway, this weekend had a lot of discussions with several different people. This week actually. Spent some quality time with a hall-mate (yeah, I made that word up, go blow your nose) thursday night. We had an interesting MT meeting before the roast that also generated some good discussion.

Thus ends another week. It's Sunday night, and uh, I'm going back to school tomorow. Wanted to spend another night in this awesome bed. Woo! So, that's it for now.

Love & Peace

Breaking the Fall

On fall break right now. A lot has happened since the last blog I suppose. Bombed that philosophy test by the way. That wasn't fun. The end of that week saw me driving out to Cedarville with Jason & Laine. The Kobialka/Beckwith family sure is interesting. I really enjoyed the time I spent out there.

The end of that trip brings me to sunday, when I came home & get right back into the swing of school & such. Monday found me sleeping the day away (after classes of course) and catching up on the missed sleep over the weekend. The end of this week would be fall break, and I was really looking forward to it. First though, I had to get through the week. Ups, downs, in-betweens, and basically life was all I can say happened this past week. If you're reading this and actually care a sniffle about what you're reading, I'll ask you to pray for me. My organization sucks, and I am not doing as well as I need, want, should, and care to be with my schoolwork. This is not good. This is why I took work off. This is why I'm spending so much $$! I'm still the lazy kid I was previous years, and that needs to change. Severely. Well, maybe not severely, but I'll need prayer.

Yesterday...or well, now I guess it's two days ago...Friday. The beginning of fall break & the return home for several days. I was really looking forward to it. Really. Seriously. Sooooo, last night Dave & Jason & I pretty much hung out for a while. J-Dubb joined us for a spell and we watched Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. Good movie if you've played the game, but I'm afraid you'd not understand a thing to appreciate the movie if you haven't gone through the game first.

Stayed up entirely too late last night. Woke up a little earlier than I'd've liked for my first day to get loads of sleep. Then one of the most odd days occurred... It was the same crew as the previous night. Only there was a conflict of what there was to do, and what we wanted to do. After debating it some time (it'd be a bad idea to ask how long we thought about what to do) we all agreed on one thing- Now, this will probably sound horrible and like we're a bunch of womanizers, but we wanted to hang out with some girls. Like, there's a nice mix when you're with mixed company. The opposite gender brings a solid balance to some things, and that's nice to have.

As it turned out (and to our regret) there were no females to hang with that we could think of (& if you are a girl we could have hung out with & forgot, I'm sorry!). So we pretty much had a whole day filled up with nothing. Testosterone-filled nothing. We got on each other's nerves, as such a thing always happens under the circumstances, and by the end of the day had still been unable to generate any working ideas that were...even in the least, entertaining.

So, this brings you all to perhaps why you are reading the blog. Why are you reading it? To find out what I've been up to? If that has been your intent, that's about all I can tell you. Nothing exciting...though I am pretty excited to be on break at the moment. I've been in a wild mood all weekend so far. Oh! and we're going to Marrienville on Monday, and I'm so thrilled about that. I can't ask you to understand this, but imagine that you get the chance to go somewhere really special, almost magical. It's a place you've known since childhood & many "adventures" have happened there. I've a couple other reasons for my fondness of the woods out there, but that's the gist of it.

So, what about me, personally? Is that why you're reading this? You want to know how I'm doing? I'd say that's very decent of you, not many people care to ask that question, or further to hear the answer attatched to it. Overall, I'm doing well. This may sound...hazy or clouded in definition, but it really is how I'm doing. As a whole mind you. If you tear me apart and inspect the pieces, I'd probably not be doing all that great.

Physically - I'd like to say I'm not vain or altogether worried with my own appearance. So that about sums that up. I'm trying to balance minimal eating with the enjoyment of food, and almost total lack of physical activity. Rough balance actually. Am I doing okay? Couldn't tell you, but probably not

Mentally - Eh...this is where I'm struggling mostly. As I mentioned above, I'm not doing as well as I want to be in school, and that's mostly due to my own laziness. Yeah, I'd like to mask it, but that's what it is & there's no denying it. Well, there's always some denying it...

Emotionally - Trying to avoid this one altogether really. I suppose I'm as emotionally sound as the next guy, but that may be on the surface. There is always the demon of the single life that hounds me, but I remain patient (as a whole...or maybe as a ruse) until the time is right. Only God knows for sure, but I'd like to be next on that list to know... That's about it really. Everything else seems to be working normally in this area...

Spiritually - Right. This is simultaneously the most important and most lacking area. Needing & depending on God should show more attention to this area, but I'm not attending much to it. I'd like to say I'm getting around to it, but ...

So, piece by piece I'm falling apart. God alone keeps me together. He keeps me company when I'm feeling particularly lonely, keeps me patient when I believe He is testing my patience. I could go on and on with the Christian blather, but maybe you don't want to hear that.

Why do I write in this blog? Wouldn't it be easier to just keep a journal? Is this just a public journal after all? And if so, why public?

Answering that question may be tough. I write a lot when I've got strong feelings. So...obviously I'm feeling something tonight. What am I feeling? Why am I writing all this? Well, I'd like to think that I want to be transparent to people. At this time in my life, there are many things that I don't care to hide from people. If you want to know me, I try to be an open book, easy to read and comprehend.

What am I feeling then, when I write everything out in this? A tidal wave of realization crashes down when I realize that I am obviously missing a key piece in my relationships. I've no one to relate with. I've nobody to really talk to & share my brokenness with. Do not pity me! I don't want you feeling sorry for me, cause that really doesn't do anything. Just pray if you want. That always helps.

A little too transparent? Maybe... but then, I must like you if I put this out here where you can read it...


Love...and Peace

Speed Blogging

yeah, it's been a while. I've been trying to stay on top of classes, and so far it's working. Recent things that I've hit on that are cool

I keep forgetting this, and pray for me in this area, but there was an article I read that had a little piece in it about our words these days revolving around justifying our actions. I don't want to do that. I don't need to justify my actions, and I want my actions to speak for themselves. So hopefully I can improve in that area.

Another little thing I found that upsets me is how either stupid, or lazy people can be. There are two doors, and people will go out of the way to only go through one that's open. If they're both open, that's fine. But when one is open and people are like, waiting for others to go through it...there's another door there! What the heck!? I've had to constantly open doors just cause other people won't. Sometimes, it's really obvious to me how cattle-like humanity is. Ugh, it's been said that one person is smart, but people are dumb. It is true.

Things pretty much continue the way they have been for the past several weeks. I am making some good friendships here, and that's a blessing. Some good guys out here. Some bad ones too, but you'll have that. Haven't really gotten into the female end of things, for a few reasons... But we'll save those for later. It's bedtime! Yay!!!

Oh...philosophy test tomorrow. I studied my brains out...and do not feel prepared for this at all. Well, lets hope my brain retains it all.

Love & Peace!!